Something

So.. We are having our break now. 3 weeks holiday. And the others are too busy packing their things and enjoying their moments before leaving Kuala Lumpur to their hometown. ME ? Packing too. Yes. But heading to different place. I registered the Askar Wataniah, and we are going to go through the 3 weeks (4 weeks actually) training. So, I can't have my holiday with my beloved this time :) It's really sad actually. Because I am very excited when ever I'm going home, and knowing that I won't make it this time, It's so frustating and depressing.

I finished my last paper for this semester on Wednesday. Today is Thursday. And I am bored to death. I haven't pack my things but I'm really not in the mood for that. My girl friend :: Cik Lyeen :: left early to Pahang. And I'm feeling like I didn't have anyone else to talk too. Well, there's many 'friends' out there, but there's just no one who can completely suits me, unlike Leen :) when she left, I know that I'm going to stuck inside my room. And I'm right about that. HAHA. I miss you Leen !

Sebenarnya tak tahu apa yang nak dituliskan. Tapi nak tulis juga. Tahu juga tak akan ada sesiapa yang membaca post ney, so, bebas untuk tulis saja apa yang nak dituliskan. Kan2 ? haha. Okey first sekali, nak tulis pasal hati. HAHAHA. Topik favorite semenjak dua menjak ney. hehe. Post2 terdahulu mengenai hope and love yang teruk kan ? so, kali ney pun nak cerita pasal hope and love juga. Tapi lebih kepada  luahan yang selama ni tersimpan :)

Tak tahu nak buat macam mana. Tak tahu harus bagaimana. Chewahh ~ hehe. Sepatutnya dari dulu tak mulakan semua ni. Tapi macam mana juga, dah ter-mula kan. secara tak sengaja or sengaja, tak suka or suka, tak nak or nak, saya dah memulakan semua ni dulu. So, kesannya memang saya perlu tanggung jugala. hehe. susah sebenarnya. Sebab hari2 nampak orang yang kita cuba lupakan. err. bukan lupakan. naturalise kan jadi somebody yang biasa2 saja dalam kehidupan seharian. Ntahlah. Jiwang tak payah cakapla. memang hari2 dok sembang jiwang dengan leen. haha. tapi memandangkan leen takda sekarang, saya sumbat semuanya dalam blog. Okey leen. Sila baca post ini k. hehe

Mungkin sebab sudah terlalu biasa dengan dia, so bila tiba-tiba jadi stranger ney, saya pun ter-kaku la. Sebab kalau selama ni p mana-mana ada orang teman, jadi apa-apa je ada orang yang saya boleh cari dan share semua. Even the smallest part 'till the biggest of it, that someone is there to listen. And bila jadi macam ni sekarang, memang saya terkontang-kanting la. Well, saya masih cari dia sekarang. When all of sudden I don't know who to turn to, when Lyeen is asleep, I'll contact him. Sorry dear you. I'm not used to the current situation but i promise, Next semester everything will be okay. I wouldn't beg for your attention anymore :) Not that I'll find somebody new, but I think the whole 3 weeks will finally taught me to go on without hoping that you'll turn back to me :) I know that you reply my text because you feel pity for me. I know that you care for me, after what had happen because you know nobody is there for me when you suddenly left. I know you did it because you feel pity. pity. pity. pity only.

Benarlah kata2 quotes tu :: Don't expect too much because you end up hurting yourself too much too :: 49 days. And I'm still here. I'm still waiting. I'm still hoping. I'm still crying. Why would every man I love would leave ? except my daddy. HAHA. And why would I be the stupid one to still want you ? the truth is, I can't let go easily, but then, I wouldn't ask someone to stay if they want to leave. That's not love, that's "PAKSAAN" :) It's really hard. It's really hard. Really hard not to look at your eyes, not to wish that you call my name. not to wait for your text. And when I'm talking to you, everything is just different. I'm afraid if I talk too much, I'll annoy you, or I'll talk about the things that you want to forget. that I can't forget. That I forget to forgot.

But then, I know, time will heal everything. So, lets hope this 3 weeks of no meeting, no texting, and no everything, I'm gonna get over you. For me, it would be really hard. Easier for you perhaps :) So, lets hope that I am really moving on. Lagipun, hubungan kerana kasihan tak akan ke mana. Kan Lyeen ? :) It's tiring. When you wait and knowing that it doesn't worth it. I had missed you a lot, all this moment. So, pray for me. so that I will really stop doing everything just to get nothing from you.

And I am very happy to have friends, who were there to listen to the "Broken Part Of Mine". Thanks to Cik Lyeen again and again ! And to Moriss yang sudi mendengar ceritera itu. HAHAHA. And those geng2 yang memahami : My dalenkk Benny, Mr Apikss, Casey bebeh, Jaelle hotty, Mash Goyang2 Kaki, Aida rock and Suri comelll. Tak semua tahu, tapi cukuplah mereka memahami lewat senyuman sayu *cheeewah ! hahahaha. Thanks sebab selama saya emo2 ney, kamu2 semua rajin membawa saya merayau, berenang, berbola tampar, bergossip, berjalan lagi, berchatting.. err. THANKS all of you. Kalau tak memang masih emo gila2 lagi saya ney sampai hari ney. I hope all of you will have the best moment with your family and friends there ! :) Meet again on June !

Feeling yang jiwang ney ditambah pula dengan feeling nak balik Sabah. Ouuuu sedih ! haha. Sedih sangat2. Kalau tak, mesti sekarang pun dok excited nak balik kan kan kan ? huhu. Takpala. Ogos nanti saya balik. Last March pun balik juga, jadi takpalah. Hehe. Last March celebrated Icha * the beautiful and the most missed person * and my Daddy birthday. And this August, I am going to have mine celebrated with them. I LOVE IT and I'm really looking forward to that moment ! hehe. Ouuuu I miss all of you so much !

Well.. Berbalik kepada topik utama. I'm not hoping you'll read this. HAHA. nanti ada pula tindakan yang jiwang-jiwang g. Such as questioning and answering and crying. WOW. Saya tak nak pula kau balik dengan perasaan bersalah kerana kununnya I don't have any friends since you left that you want to left earlier actually but cannot sebab takut saya tak ada teman. Ho yeah. That fact is painful to know. Somehow I wondered, since when did you actually plan to leave ? :) Okey no need to answer. Useless sudah juga. So, have a better life. Hidup baik-baik. Laugh a lot, smile a lot, be happy a lot. I wish nothing but your happiness, although it is not because of me, or with me.

So.. Three weeks. I know I can do this. I know I can get over this. I know I am strong to let go all of this. I hate this feeling. It's hurt. And I hope when we meet again, I can really laugh with no burden lingers in my heart. HAHA. okey leen, thanks for reading :)

# I miss you. HAHA. And it's hurt like hurt yang betul2 painful.